If you have been wondering what’s been going on in Akku’s World for the last couple of weeks I can tell you the geographic centre of operation was temporarily relocated some miles to the east, into Hong Kong in the People’s Republic of China. I can seriously recommend Hong Kong as being an awesome place. Its feckin’ hot and humid and despite British rule for 150 years they just can’t form an orderly queue but other than that they show all the usual required signs of RAWKING. In just two weeks I have gained half a stone in body mass. Normally you have to be pregnant to achieve that level of girth growth but I can confirm that with a little effort you too can have a body like mine. It requires dedication, the right mind set and an awful lot of fried noodles.
Now I know it’s politically very incorrect to take the Michael out of people who are, well, foreign for their funny use of English, and yeah, yeah, I speak exactly zero Cantonese so lets see me do any better, but when a nation comes up with names for its towns and districts like Mong Kok, Hung Hom and my own personal favourite - Tong Fuk - then you have to wonder if they are taking the Michael themselves.
The “Fat Ho elderly centre” is particularly unfortunate. Whoever came up with the electoral district of Wan King was obviously on the last day of their notice period for sure.
I'm not quite sure how well this established Hong Kong brand would do in the west...
One of many. Too many to list here.
So on to the issues of signage. Quite apart from the bizarre phobia of taking photographs resulting in “no photography” signs in loads of places there is some real interesting signage up. You can tell a lot about a society by its signs. Hong Kong is for the most part a well ordered society. Hence there are many signs in the residential areas reminding you to keep your voice down.
This is also a country which takes no truck with skateboarding, mopeds, or even balloons in inappropiate places. They take their non-smoking seriously too...
This sign left me perplexed. Beware of your hands. It was spotted on the bus up to Nyong Ping. Perhaps it is more a metaphysical warning, along the lines that the devil may find work for them if they are idle. I’m not sure I want to know.
I am also going to make an assumption that the MTR signs which say “Take care of children and old people” don't mean you should take up philanthropy, but who knows?
They also seem to have an issue with defecation as there are many variations on the dog doo signs:
I'd like to nominate the above for the finest use of the word "excrete" in a public sign 2010.
Sticking with the poo related discussion I find that toilets are often a place to read much which is amusing or revealing (even if it only Jenny blows dog cocks, 07802 8928991) but in Hong Kong the official signs are more interesting than the graffiti. Mostly because they don’t have any graffiti in Hong Kong toilets, they get sanitised on a 4 hour rota so I guess there’s no time for that.
I noted that one urinal in a public loo was “Reserved for the use of the Chief Inspector Of Schools” which suggests that either the Chief Inspector Of Schools has a hygiene requirement over and above the 4 hour sanitisation cycle or is perhaps has some other more medical requirement which means he can’t queue for the loo. Let’s face it if it was provided as a perk in lieu of a bonus then the school inspections for that year must have come up a bit short.
I’m more than a little intrigued as to what burning issue lead to this stark warning adjacent to every hair dryer in every changing room:
What else would you use a hair dryer for and how could you get in any bother in whatever the other use may be? Answers on a post card please.
The one which really left me in a state of bemused joy was this urinal advertising mat. The fact that it is in a toilet and is from a company called Johnson is chuckleworthy enough if you have a puerile and childish imagination but the encouragement to “Enjoy your drink!” is curious and in the context a little bothering.
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