Meter vs. Maid

One of those moments where I would have wished for a significantly quicker camera than the one which is built into my HTC Hero mobile phone.  The rather dreary shot reproduced here is the tail-end of an assault on a parking meter by one of our fair city’s own Guardians of Justice and Parking (yeah, a traffic warden). 

Caught almost in the act...

From my observation of their operation the meter tending folks have to obtain a ticket from each meter at the start of each day to prove the meter is working and the time on the clock is correct.  The parking attendant in the photo here obviously experienced the same frustrations that many motorists in the city do when the meters don’t work exactly as you’d hope they would and he just did what the rest of us want to do.  He slapped the merry crap out of it.

Review: Canon S90 Powershot camera

Review: Canon Powershot S90

Canon s90 - looks businesslike, feels quality to handle

Get ‘em while they’re ‘ot, they’re luvverly.

I think this model camera has been officially made obsolete / end of life by Canon but I still see plenty of places selling them (notably eBay sellers).  I also see them now at significantly less than the prices you see in the reviews you will find written (by competent people) from when the S90 was launched.  These reviews are judging the S90 as a £400 Camera and when I bought mine a few months ago they were selling more like £250.  Also as in incompetent amateur I think I add a certain additional balance to the mix.

OK, first thing you need to ask yourself is why are you looking at buying a compact camera?  They are probably the most compromised format with the exception of those built into mobile phones. For me it was because it’s hard not to look like you fell off the special bus producing a D-SLR with off-body flash gun on a romantic dinner for two or a kids 2^nd birthday party.  If you don’t need the “stealth” factor then maybe looking at the bridge and other intermediate cameras is a better bet for best actual photographic results.

Top view. Flash is top left. Controls are well laid out and easy to use.

The problem is that the compromise of the compact camera is in performance and quality and most of us with a D-SLR are going to be even pickier than the average consumer when it comes to both of those scores.  I am famously picky anyway.  Don't mistake this for "skilled" or "competent".  The S90 is reputedly a quick camera for a compact and again its reputation suggested quality of image too.  Winner?  Add to this fully manual modes and RAW file format and its got to be “the one”.  Right?  Yeah, pretty much with a few minor reservations.

I planned to use the S90 indoors a lot, so its “low light” mode was of interest.  OK, the less light there is the more noise you get and it is fully possible to get shots you could compare to those of a cheap phone-cam if you really try, but on the whole I find that “low light” gets some nice shots – it’s quick and unobtrusive.  People act more natural when there isn’t a flash going off in their face so you get better pictures that way.  You can set aperture and ISO manually if you prefer, but I like to have less to think about when I’m in party mode.  And yes, I think there is one of those on the camera too...  There is of course the option to play with software like Noise Ninja to correct these kinds of shots but, yeah, it’s better to get the picture right in the camera than have to mess with it later.

The focus ring feature may seem a bit of a gimmick, but if you are used to twisting the lens on an SLR to adjust focal length then you’ll love it.  The ring changes function with mode by default but you can set it to do one thing only in all modes with a little perseverance.  Other controls can give you quick access to aperture, shutter speed, etc. as you see fit.  The pop-up flash is neat but one’s instinct is to hold the camera in such a way that your finger blocks the flash.  Ooops.  Canon pre-dates iPhone4 in the “you have to hold it like we tell you” stakes. But it’s no big deal.

So its quick, it’s configurable, it works well in low light and it has a decent zoom for a pocket-ish sized camera.  What else is to know?

Well, there is evidence of barrel distortion at the lower focal lengths, especially with closer subjects.  I was snapping a group of 4 kids playing and the backgrounds turned a bit “house of fun” if you know what I mean.  For the most part this isn’t a problem, but it is there and it will spoil some of your shots.  The other thing I find is that the colours are a bit cold without adjustment.  I have tweaked the camera to warm it up a bit, adding some pizzazz to the otherwise occasionally dreary reds and oranges.   A few shots taken in some of the automatic modes (there are loads of these to choose from) needed to be tweaked with software afterwards to get the richness into the image.

But it’s a compact camera:  Its compromise time.

I’m more than happy with my S90 for the price I paid (£250ish).  It takes a good photo and it allows me to shot places and ways I wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable taking my D-SLR.  It’s not got the highest pixel count (but there are reasons why that’s an advantage) but it’s a nice toy, feels quality to handle, has good ergonomics.  Akku recommends this product or service.

Hangin' in the Cattlemarket in the rain...

The things we British will do for a cup of tea, no?  Quiet night at a local "cruise spot" for classics, rods, retros, etc. shame as the event was picking up a few regulars, bad weather scared them all off.  Here's hoping for better next time.  These kind of events need to find a "critical mass".  This one is alternate Wednesdays, Cattlemarket Cafe, Nottingham from 6pm. 

Lee's Fox Mustang 5.0 LX

There are a few more pics and not much of a write up over on Retro-Rides.

Drunken pervert molests slave girl Princess Leia

I apologise right away if the title of this post sounds like the title of one your your adolescent fantasies.  Or indeed one of your current ones.  Or indeed one of mine.  However that is more than you need to know at this point.

Now I guess I need to apologies to all those SciFi nerds out there because it may come across I’m finding a little more humour at their expense just lately than would normally be considered fair, balanced and reasonable and may stray into something approaching cyber-bullying and, really, that’s not me.  I am sufficiently wimpy that even from behind a keyboard I am timid as a little mouse.

However Adrianne Curry has geek issues to deal with here.  Dressed as a slavegirl princess Leia the poor lass, who some may remember as a winner of “America’s Next Top Model” unreality show and (more likely) a Playboy model found her skirt being lifted by what she initially thought to be a gust of wind as she waited in a taxi queue chatting with a bunch of other Slavegirl Princess Leias outside a Star Wars convention in Miami.  I am trying to picture the scene without upsetting my blood pressure.  My mind’s eye has a half dozen Carrie Fisher lookalikes, reality can’t possibly touch that, but its a sight I consider my life significantly poorer for me not having been there to witness.

You know what, I’ve gotten a little distracted from this tale.  Which is not what happened to a local drunk.  He was focused on the tale, or should I say tail.  For ‘twas not a summer’s breeze which had lifted Ms Curry’s skirt.  Oh, no, twas “a glassy eyed very stocky Mexican man” according to a mortified Adrianne according to her MySpaz page.

Well, seems that a fracas broke out and the already confused groper was set about by a gang of Princess Leias, sundry Sith Lords, a squad of Storm Troopers and was probably swearing himself off the drink when he awoke the following morning...

A Triumph of sports customising...

I can hear the purists frothing from here.  Thats part of the appeal of this car.  That and the fact is a slice of pie of an era which (a) placed little value on old Triumph sports cars and (b) expressed itself in far more flamboyant style than scene-conscious folks today dare to do.

What we have here is a simple, sporting classic thoroughbred which has been thoroughly bastardised.  And I love it. You couldn't do this now, it would be too self concious, too "look what I did to a classic Triumph" but the fact this was done back in the day adds to the whole vibe of the beast.

Its running a tuned up 302 Ford V8 and autobox (c4 I assume) and some absolutely cock-on period body restyling (circa 1980 I'm thinking).  I love the interior, the Vector wheels, and the Carson-style top is the icing on the cake.  Still, whoever thought a TR4 needed a Lincoln Continental style trunk lid is a genius.  Or was on crack.  Or both.

You can find this cracking car on eBay on an auction which appears to have some of the dubious hallmarks of a scam (for sale in UK, claims to be in Germany, obviously American text and photos...)  who knows, maybe its a genuine auction and maybe its not but either way this is one hell of a car.

Koala 1: Ford Falcon 1

 (click the image for a larger version if necessary)

Shamelessly stolen from today's Metro.

Barry Scott and the amorous panda

I hate to recycle other people’s material and pass it off as my own, but I felt the need to share this one and I feel so long as it attribute it correctly I do no wrong in the cosmos, the purity of my ka will be preserved.  So before we go any further I have to say the actual meat of this post is provided by Mitch Ben and a song he performed for The Now Show on Radio 4 a couple of weeks back.

What follows is puerile punnery on the same level as that of the wonderful Panda joke which has seen me through since childhood and led to the title of Lynn Truss’ internationally controversial book on punctuation.  Don’t click the link if you don’t want to spoil the punch line.  As part of my preamble I will roll you the Panda joke in its original schoolboy form, rather than the sanitised version which Wikipedia prefers.

Imagine if you will a lonely lady, singleton in her Brigit Jones years, unlucky in love and perhaps starting to hear the feint tick of a biological clock.  Her problem is finding a man, well, the right man. And so, she is beginning to despair after the breakup of yet another doomed relationship.  About this time she meets a Panda.  Initially she is wary of him, but soon they become firm friends. She confides in the Panda her fears of a life spent chasing one unfulfilling relationship after another.  The Panda is a good listener and well as fluffy and cuddly.  He shows empathy.  He shows her compassion.  There is a gentleness, a calmness which sooths her agitated spirit.  Before long she feels that she has perhaps at last found her soul mate!  But of course, he is a Panda. This takes some getting over.  However she decides that all this prejudice against large Chinese animals is society’s closed mindedness and that if she opens up to him about her feelings and he reciprocates then truly their love will conquer all.

So she decides to make her move.  She invites Panda over one evening for a meal to discuss her feelings.  She spends much of the day carefully preparing a slap up Chinese meal.  She tidies the house from top to bottom; she lays out the best table cloth and the best dinner service.  She opens a bottle of wine and puts on some Sarah Vaughn on the stereo.  Finally she slips on her lacy undergarments, attends to her makeup, and, heart pounding at the enormity of the emotional leap she needs to make, she opens to door to welcome her guest.  The meal goes well, wine is drunk, another bottle is opened and she confesses her feelings to the Panda.  The Panda smiles, he has been nursing a serious milk chubby for the woman since they first met and has been looking for an opening ever since. He tells her he knows what she feels because he feels it too. His heart yearns to be able to open its torrents of love for her.  They ascend the stairs to the bedroom.

Well the woman has never had it like this before. Panda-style brings a whole new meaning to the art of love making. She rides the seven plateaus of ecstasy.  Mind, body and soul are in perfect harmony as wave after wave of perfect pleasure courses through every sinew of her being. Eventually, after hours of tempestuous passion she falls into a deep, contented dreamless sleep in the arms (forepaws?) of the Panda.

Hours later she awakens alone.  The bed is empty.  The house is empty.  She calls Panda on his mobile but there is no reply.  She is confused.  She begins to panic.  Is he alright? What has happened?  In the end she can think of nothing else but to look on the internet.  She types “Panda” into Google and the first entry stuns her heart cold:

Panda:  large mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.

Badum-tish – I  thanker-you

This gag is better in the oral presentation on the grounds you don’t need to worry about the inclusion or otherwise of the comma.

Anyway, where does this leave us?

Puns of a slightly saucy nature is where it takes us.  And our next stop is the unlikely terminus of comedy which is the Reckitt Benckiser Company. 

You can find it on YouTube here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWxAhM18QLI

Which amused me greatly and reminded me of the Panda.

In a field next to a pub on a summer's evening...

Just a quick note to showcase, if that is the right word, the delightful Griffin Inn meet at Papelwick.  This tookplace on Wednesday of this week and had a decent turnout of some glorious machinery.  Plus my Trans Am...

Vintage show rod

The event is billed as a classic show but there are rods, customs, retros, kits, modern muscle cars, exotics,  anything which gells with the vibe seems welcome.  No ricers!

Lovely Vortech blown V8 air ride Chevy stepside

There is a full event write up over on retro-rides so I'll not duplicate effort by reposting that here (see how lazy I am).  Its a nice meet, its a nice run on some country lanes to get there, so get there...

Drive slow homie.

Drive slow homie, drive slow homie

Ya never know homey might meet some hoes, homie

Ya need to pump your brakes and drive slow, homie

I’m amazed I have to point this out in this day and age where everyone on the road should have already passed a driving test to get their licence but THE RIGHT LANE IS FOR PASSING.

OK, have we got that? 

Good.

See, what gets me mad, and by mad I don’t mean that very English kind of mad where you kinda make a clicking noise with your tongue against your teeth and raise your eyebrows a little, I mean a proper apoplectic screaming all consuming jihad of a rage, what gets me boiling and seething and stewing and thanking all that is holy (and otherwise) that we have gun control in this country which prevents me from going fully postal and wiping out significant numbers of my fellow man daily, that produces foul eruptions of hate and bile and torrents of murderous rage is mongtard drivers who are in some way afraid of the little pedal on the right hand side we, and by “we” I mean people who are actually competent to drive a motor vehicle, the pedal we call “the accelerator”.  OK, maybe I overstate my case here, but let’s just say they tick me off and cause me to shake my head somewhat.   

There are two behaviours of the terminally transportationally timid which push my buttons.  I’m not bothered too much by people who drive at 35-40 on an open country road because everyone should drive at the speed they feel safe at.  What gets my goat is the “blocking tactics” which many of these losers employ against those of us who actually have somewhere else to be, and don’t get their kicks by wasting an extra 90 minutes a day dawdling along in a daze listening to Radio 2.

Don't drive too fast Doris.

Example Behaviour One:  “Thou Shalt Not Pass”

Dual carriageway and motorway blocking.  This is not the same as the “middle lane Moron”, the guy who doesn’t pull left after passing but sits there in the middle lane at 65 all day, this is those people who for reasons I cannot comprehend insist on riding their Ford Focus side by side with whatever might be in the left lane.  Occasionally they may speed it up a little so they are travelling like 0.01 miles per hour faster than the car to the left to give some feint but misguided hope to the guy stuck behind that soon, one day, they will complete their passing manoeuvre and pull left so that he can get past. Oh no, this is just a cruel bit of psychological torture. Like making a dog beg and jump for an off cut of steak at the dinner table you always yank away at the last moment so his jaws close with a snap in fresh air, these bastards have no intention of you ever passing them.  They just raise your hopes a little so that they can dash them cruelly:  Oh no, they are going to sit there at 31.25 MPH in a 50 right alongside their team mate for all eternity.   People have died through this behaviour, in fact I sometimes suspect that maybe some of these rolling roadblocks aren’t actually idiots, but the corpses of those who have died of boredom stuck behind some other jerk and rigor mortis sat in with their foot on the gas just enough to keep rollin’ at a steady 31 MPH for ever until eventually all turns to dust...

And so we return to the elements which made us.

On a motorway or on an A road you will find that this behaviour is generally how the drivers of long haul trucks get their kicks on boring runs now that CB radio seems to have waned.  Vans, busses, horseboxes, caravans, old people and others join in also.  I suspect that they organise themselves via text messages or maybe they have a Facebook group or something.  Either way I am beginning to suspect that they have my house under surveillance. 

“Foxtrot 2 to Red Leader 1, I have a silver Vauxhall leaving the premises now and it appears he may be running late for a meeting in South Yorkshire area”

“Foxtrot 2 this is Red Leader 1, copy that, will deploy a tanker load of molasses, a curtain-sider and two container trucks at Trowell Service area with a handover to a dangerously loaded car transporter, two box vans and a low loader with concrete drain pipes taking over from Tibshelf”

THIS REALLY HAPPENS. 

This is the real agenda Dr. Beeching had when he closed the branch railways in the 1960s.   It is all just to give high blood pressure to those of us who use Britain’s roads in a vain attempt to get somewhere else in a reasonable amount of time.  He was a doctor, he has shares in some company which makes drugs to control blood pressure, don’t tell me that’s not the obvious logical conclusion.

Beeching, you bastard...

By comparison the folks who form rolling blockades on the ring road and other urban multi-lane roads are rank amateurs, but obviously enthusiasts in their chosen hobby of making life a misery for people with actual lives to live and other places to be.  They are annoyance-opportunists in economy hatchbacks.  Travelling in pairs or occasionally hunting in small packs they spot a fellow motorist attempting to make progress and they form a simple “two lane tango” the like of which I have already laid to text above.

Example Behaviour Two:  “At a crossroads in your life” or “crossroads become veryangryroads”

Tell me this is not a familiar scenario to you:  You are approaching a traffic light controlled junction.  There are two lanes, both for straight ahead.  The light is on red.  In the left lane there is a queue of obviously slow moving stuff like busses, heavy trucks, Honda Accords, etc. as you approach you see the right lane appears to be clear, you position to take the right lane happy that on the green you will be able to pull away smartly (not fast, not like some boy racer, not daft, just smartly, normally, like someone who has somewhere to get to would do) and so safely pass the slow moving traffic with minimal fuss and in complete safety.

As you get into the right lane you see there is one single car already there at the line waiting.  Undaunted you carry on as you know that so long as the one car up in front pulls away smartly on the green light you will both have plenty of time and space to pass the lead vehicle in the left hand lane (probably a tractor or some such thing).

However when the light turns green one of two things will occur:

1.      The car in front will put on its right turn signal and not move off the line until sufficient cars have passed you on the left that you are now further back in the queue than you started.

2.      The car in front will pull away from the lights so slowly that the tractor/bus/learner on the left will keep pace.  This practice is best employed where the road narrows back into 1 lane after 200 or 300 yards because now you have to get your left signal on and hope someone will be kind enough to let you back in. Usually this does not happen until you are further back in the queue than you started.

My arch nemesis in the traffic light sabotage game is a small silver hatchback, usually a Peugeot 206 or some other pitiful French thing.  I have noticed however that some of the proponents of this manoeuvre now favour a large German car like a BMW 7 series or Mercedes S class.  You think as you pull up behind them that you are safe, that this type of car are also likely to be driven by employed people, people going about their business and as such will leave the line in a reasonable amount of time and at a reasonable pace.  Only as you come to a halt at its back bumper do your eyes catch sight of something that means you know instantly that you are doomed.  Your blood runs cold. 

OH MY GOD IT’S A DIESEL! 

A 730D or S320D! The absolute work of The Devil, or at least his subcontracted automotive design inspiration division.  I’m not suggesting each and every one of these Teutonic barges is actually hand crafted in hell by Lucifer himself, despite all appearance which may support that conjecture, all I can say with any certainty is that these are the sort of executive car bought by people who  - despite being able to afford to buy a horrifically expensive luxury car - can’t afford to run said executive car so they get one with a tractor engine in it and proceed to try and drive it without every actually touching the accelerator pedal.  You look ahead trying to catch sight of the driver, but you can’t because it’s some little old shrunken-prune-person who can hardly see over the steering wheel and is completely obscured from your view by the giant padded leather armchair.  The light goes green and even the kids on skate boards are overtaking you.  You are in my own personal hell.  Crank your tunes; this is going to be a long slow boring journey.

At least there's cool tat to ogle in this traffic jam.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect every road user to be leaving the stop line like John Force on a championship title run, and while the thought of little old ladies and school run mums warming up their tyres with a series of pre-emptive burnouts and judging the best launch time against the orange light does fill me with some amusement I do appreciate that it isn’t practical.  The very fact that people buy cars like the Kia Picanto or Hyundai Atoz does rather prove that many people have no interest in driving cars at all, let alone driving them well or enjoying the experience.  In fact I have come to the conclusion that the only reason that people buy a Atoz is because they are in some way ethically opposed to owning a car and a Atoz is the closest you can come to not actually owning a car while actually having the use of a form of rain-resistant personal transport.  I suspect there is also an added layer of reflected self loathing and self inflicted punishment, kinda like monks who used to self flagellate, it’s a sort of purification ritual of the modern era which is born out in the choice of the small Hyundai.

Women multi-task better than men.  

No, all I ask is that other road users show a little common courtesy.  OK, you have the right to potter along in your wibbly-wobbly little world of your own, fine, but there are people with an equal right to travel at their own speed (where safe and legal to do so folks!).  Try shaking yourself out that stupor, using your mirrors, engaging a couple of brain cells and getting out the damn way occasionally. 

Either that or we legalise car mounted rocket launchers and let me take care of the problem in my own way.

You may also like to check out www.howmotorwayswork.co.uk

Welsh grandfather stolen along with his caravan

Benjamin Moorhead and Chantelle Kinnish got more than they bargained for when they stole a caravan in Conwy, Wales.  William Roberts the 70 year old owner of the vehicle was sleeping off a session on the bottle when in a scene reminiscent of the Likely Lads movie he awoke to find himself on the move. 

Bob and Terry wouldn't steal anything. Thelma would kill them.

Moorhead and Kinnish have been convicted of theft at Llandudno magistrates court.

Speak of the devil and a goth (event) shall appear, or not.

Now there I was a little earlier making a pop at the expense of the Whitby Goth Weekend attendees and just a few hours later Iget news through the ether that WGW is making the headlines, in the borough of Scarborough at least.

Vampire. Kind of like a goth. But scary.  And fictional.

Linked is an article from Whitby Gazette which, from its reading, seems to have been several edits to keep up with the fast pace of goth-news.

It appears that the future of the Goth weekend this coming October/November has been in doubt due to unpaid bills from April's event.  These unpaid bills being in turn due to a shortfall in revenue due to low attendance.

Now this is no place for me to go into my various opinions on the way the festival has changed over the 17 years it has been running and I went as a paying punter for about 14 of them...  jesus that makes me feel old.  But heck, I am... But undoubtably the nature of the event (and the goth scene) has changed in that time.  One of the things which has changed a lot is that back in the day we were all young, virile, single (mostly) and up for all manner of drunken dancin', bitching the bands who were on, making various attempts to pull and end up at the Abbey for frolicks, etc. Back then, through my rose tinted glasses, the event was full of goths.  And we joked about "Old" people, being like 35...

Goth. Goth cheerleader in fact.

Now the town seems to be full of folks in their 50s and 60s dressed up like victorians, a fair selection of aging transvestites and (by far the most inexplicable) guys dressed up as pirates.  The Whitby Goth Weekend has become the Whitby Gothic Themed Fancy Dress Weekend,and these folks have little interest in seeing the bands etc. so aren't buying tickets.  The fancy dress contingent is not encouraging the real goths to attend and in turn is not helping ticket sales and is at the same time making it harder for people wanting to go to the actual event to get accomodation etc.

A sweet transvestite.

Now, unlike fixing Microsoft, I don't have a glib fix for this.  I'd love to say (like many I know do) that the event needs to get back to its roots and this will attract back the hard core of real goths who always used to buy tickets, turn up, buy lots of drinks, spend loads in the Bizarre Bazaar, etc. but sadly, most of those old hard core are busy doing other things with their lives.  Like Steve Ballmer "we seem to have lost a generation".  Goths have been quick to distance themselves from EMO and "the spooky kids" (because we seem to think we are cooler than them and because the general public can't tell the difference anyway) and sadly these kids who should have been the next generation of goths are off doing their own thing elsewhere now.  Hmmm maybe we should have been more accepting a bit earlier...

Apparently not our sort dear.

Oh well.  At least Scarborough Borough Council seem to have come to an agreement with Jo about the payment of outstanding monies from April and I hope the event does carry on.  But I think I'd like to see it learn and grow and get back to being a young, vibrant, exciting music based event rather than a promenade round town for the grandparent's generation of todays young alternatives...

Its weirdo-con time again

I feel so left out being a European when the American's get to have these great conventions where all the nutters in a 1000 mile radius pole up into town and dress like a bunch of freaks, get drunk and cat fight amongst each other about who has the most authentic Klingon insignia or whatever.  The nearest thing we have is the Whitby Gothic Weekend.

Damn, thats not how I remember Darth Vader

The latest in a series of such events is the Gen Com Indy (gamer) event from which the following photos are taken.  I feel conflicting urges here to yell "look at these craaaaaazy people" but on the other hand I feel some other level of respect and kinship to those, well, frankly odd folk.  Some of whom look rather fine, lets be honest.  Some of them less so. 

Super Mario Fetish?

Damn, I'm drawing a balanced conclusion here and this is the internet where such things are forbidden, so before I make that cardinal error and get zapped by the net-pixies I'll leave you with the good folks of Gen Com and let you draw your own conclusions based on your own predjudices.

Clamping gets towed away

According to a report by ITN, the rest of the UK will fall in line with Scotland and Northern Ireland where clamping or towing of cars by private firms off private land is already banned.

The proposed measure will revoke the licences of the 2000+ regulated private parking enforcement companies in England and Wales.  Obviously this is great news for any of the thousands of "innocent" motorists each year who park up not realising they are on private land and come back to an inordinate fine to recover or release their car.  Its less good news for those of us running businesses where our car parks and loading areas are frequently abused by members of the public looking for free city centre parking...

Carbon fibre - a bum deal?

eBay doesn't have a massive sense of humour when people use their auction site and try a bit of sauce to draw attention to their wares.  The seller of this carbon fibre bonnet (hood for our American cousins) for a 3 series BMW thought that what would showcase the part off best were some parts of another type all together.  Rather than showing the bonnet installed on some radical cool modified 2NR-scene Bimmer they decided to drive out into the country, park in a field and have a scantily clad lass act as a bonnet prop.  Hmmm... doubtless this worked when I was a lad reading Custom Car and the more naked ladies draped over a certain brand of slot mag the more chance there was I'd want them on my (dream) car.  But I thought maybe we were passed all that?  eBay certainly does as they've yanked the auction now.

Luckily its been screen grabbed by plenty of folks...  The picture that is, I can't speak for the young lady...

'49 Chevy Custom. For Sale: My vital organs...

Anyone need to buy a kidney?  One careful owner, never raced or rallied.  See I need to raise some scratch for this essential purchase.

This '49 Chevy Fleetline is simply gorgeous.  I love the copper paint, the seller says its a metallic but it looks more mica in the photos, I bet thats a sight to see in the sun.  It sits well on 17" Billet Specialties rims and its trimmed out as nice inside and detailed under the hood just as nice as the outside.  Just delightful.

The spec is nice too. A 330 BHP 350 V8 crate motor will give unstressed performance backed with a 4 speed overdrive auto.  A traditional live axle is out back but the front is a more modern (Mustang derived) IFS.  Some nice typical custom tricks include the electric door poppers, tilt column, shaved and smoothed trim etc...

last I looked the bidding was as £8100 with the reserve not met.  You can follow the auction on eBay here, find more details and photos there too, maybe even chance a bid if you have a more understanding bank manager than I do...

There's whisky in the jar...

Jam jar, car, you know.  Phil Lynott obviously was a visionary in more fields than just heavy metal music as the lyrics to Thin Lizzy's 1970s hit, a reworking of a traditional Irish folk song is obviously a testament to.  Scientists at Edinburgh Napier University have done malt lovers and motorists a sterling favour by finding a way to run regular gasoline engines on a biofuel they have derived from the waste products of whisky manufacture. 

Phil Lynott - ecologist and fuel systems engineer

OK, I'll be you are thinking the same thing as I am:  bioethanol - been there, seen that.  But no.  You would be as wrong as I was if that were what you were thinking.  See Bioethanol, even in E85 mix as is becoming popular in the US "corn belt" is not a direct petrol replacement.  This glorious moonshine stuff is.  The Scots profs say you can run any petrol car on the stuff without any adapatation.  The trick is that the whisky fuel has a higher calorific value than ethanol which is lower than petrol.  Whisky waste gives you about 30% more power than ethanol and apparently doesn't have the fuel system corrosion issues which ethanol based fuels can do.  Final point is you won't have the arguement about wasted energy in growing crops for fuel conversion, nor the food vs. fuel arguements.  This is pure waste recycling. 

Drink whisky - sod OPEC

The best part:  fuel levels running low?  drink more Whisky!  This can only be good news.  You can read more at the BBC and The Evening Express amongst others.

Even my hotel bed has a V8...

How cool is this?  (answer: very) its an automotive themed hotel over in Stuttgart, Germany (also home to Porsche).  And the  rooms feature beds made from cars.  And other car related "automobilia".  If you are travelling in Germany and are looking for a unique boutique type hotel, then The V8 Hotel has to be on your shortlist.  Its on mine as of now.

The Cadillac of beds...

Themes for the rooms include the drive in movies and the car wash (both shown here).  There are also themes including Herbie and many other to suit your tastes.  Probably.

The English language version of the hotel's website has all the details you need.  Find 'em here and enjoy your stay now.

Awesome Pop Hot Rod on eBay

OK, I spotted this and I fell in lust.

The seller is sparse with details but that's a humungously cool rod, serious fire power from the blown V8...

I can't say its in my price range at £25K but, damn.

eBay advert is here for more photos and such.  Enjoy.

Bill Gates is not afraid.

OK, this is doing my nut. There is an advertising campaign I keep seeing on the internet from a company trying to hawk a report on a new company who is “terrifying” Bill Gates because they are set to “take over from Microsoft” within the year.

Microsoft - someone is creeping up on you!

Let’s get one thing straight for a start.  I am not going to buy industry analysis from a company who doesn’t even realise Bill Gates doesn’t run Microsoft any more.  He doesn’t even work there.  Bill’s day job is running the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, a philanthropic body.  OK, he still owns a chunk of Microsoft (internet says 8%) but then so do a lot of people, mostly investment banks and we all know what we all think of them for a start. 

Contrary to being terrified, I think Bill Gates is probably kinda chilled out.  Like I would be if I were in my mid 50s with no real job and enough money to keep a central African nation debt free for the next half a century.  I can see the appeal of that lifestyle.

Bill Gates is happy.

No, let’s be honest if there is a company which terrifies Microsoft then it is Microsoft itself.  If Microsoft were a person, it would wake up in the morning, shuffle over to the mirror, take a long hard look at itself and wonder when it was that it got so fat and grey and old looking.  And when did its knees start to ache so?  Funny, Microsoft and I are broadly similar ages...  Oh, the empathy!  But now Microsoft looks to much of the world like IBM did maybe 15 years ago when Microsoft was doing unto others what others are now starting to do unto Microsoft.

Microsoft is run by a guy called Steve Ballmer.  His name presents a few moderate opportunities for punning in much the same way as former Labour Education Secretary Ed Balls does.  And sadly for Steve and for those of you who may hold stock in the great Satan, sorry, the world’s premier software house those puns on his name probably aren’t too far from the truth.

Steve Ballmer - doesn' t look so happy.

Y’see this isn’t about being good with money, which Ballmer is.  He’s all about lowering Microsoft’s cost of operations and all that good corporate governance stuff (he’s former money man of the outfit so you’d expect that).  It’s not that he isn’t focused on the customer – under Ballmer we’ve seen more consultation and focus groups and quality development than ever.  In fact they’ve built entire products based on what Microsoft customers like you and I have been feeding back to them.  The thing is Microsoft (much like Nokia who are in a similar position) have proven you cannot innovate by committee.  You can’t have a crowdsource on how to be leading edge. If you try and build an operating system with every feature everybody wants you end up with Vista.  (disclaimer:  I have no beef with Vista you XP lovin’ weenies!)

Say what you like about Microsoft in the 80s and 90s, and believe me, I did, but back then those guys were turning profit and they were going gung-ho for growth.  They innovated and they pretty much led the pack.  OK, some of the ways they did that may have seemed somewhere between “questionable” and “objectionable” to a lot of folk but Gates led from the front, shot from the hip, and became a billionaire with the biggest success story in town.  The guy had (or has, he’s not dead yet) leadership.  Now this may sound like I’m eulogising the guy, which I’m not.  Leadership is not intrinsically good whatever that management manual you’re reading may say.  Pol Pot had “leadership” as much as did the Buddha.  Steve Ballmer on the other hand has “administrative skills”.  See the difference?  The market does.

This man does not run Microsoft

Now Apple Computer is valued higher than Microsoft as a company by Wall Street.  Which kinda shows that analysts base their opinions more on the cool factor of their new iPad than nice solid stuff like sales, profitability, reserves, assets, etc. all of which are way higher in Microsoft’s account than Apple’s.  So why is Apple the “more valuable”?

Well, overheating iPads and iPhone4 Antennagate apart, Apple is innovating and growing highly consumer-visible technology which the general population then regards as being “good”.  Every foray Microsoft takes into that kind of market seems to end in failure.  Despite Apple’s OS X having more flaws, failures, security exploits and so forth in its first year of release than Vista did, ask any dude in the street which is the “better” and they’ll say Apple.  Unless you ask me in which case, well, you know.  Or if you ask my dad, because he won’t have a clue what you are talking about.  But you get my point.  Microsoft is writing its own bad press here.

Ballmer again. I'm not sure I'd call that look "happy"

To the commercial faux pas of Vista check out Zune, Windows Mobile (aka Windows Phone), Xbox 360 red ring of death, the Hotmail problems they suggest you use Chrome to fix...  Let’s not even mention the KIN, from launch to embarrassing shuttering in like 2 months...  Ballmer mutters that “Microsoft has lost a whole generation” and seems to think the platitude fixes the underlying problem.  More of a problem is multiple divisions within the belly of the beast all trying to bring competing products to market.  For mobile devices do we go with WinCE, Windows Phone or a “lite” version of Windows 7?  Or some new Live! based monstrosity?  I’m a consumer and I am confused.  I bought Android.  According to Gartner, so did pretty much everybody else who’s not got a Blackberry deal.

Now this is a shame.  You see I am a fan of Longhorn-era Microsoft product.  I can say that without feeling dirty.  Now we have the best, most reliable, most secure, stable, interoperable Microsoft software ever.  You know how we used to bitch about how MS stuff was junk but buy it anyway?  Well now the gear is good and the buyers are staying away.  Part of this is to do with the recession, sure, but part of it is because, well, things are just changing. 

Running Microsoft is physically demanding work.

We don’t even want to be PC-centric (whether that’s a Windows PC or a Mac or a Linux computer running your favourite distribution’s remix).  We don’t want software on a single box.  We are into the cloud, SaaS, virtualised desktops, accessing data from a range of devices like handhelds, phones, next gen car dashboards and even bathroom scales and toasters I see are now internet-ready.  Microsoft is still thrashing away in its comfort zone of Office, Server, Windows, etc.  But we aren’t really so interested in that.   Stuff like BPOS seems unconvincing against GoogleAps but is probably a far better product and doesn’t come from a company under investigation in just about every jurisdiction in the world for data protection violations.  Some will say OpenSource is dealing the killer blow, but with NetApps reporting a less than 1% market share for Linux of all flavours I don’t share that opinion just yet.

I’m reminded of the difference between Kodak and Polaroid.  Remember Polaroid?  If you are like 20s or younger then you need to know Polaroid was a HUGE manufacturer and brand leader in cameras, film, photography stuff, sun glasses and more.  Back in the day they made a decision to be top of the field in film. They were pleased to see Kodak diversifying into digital. This was taking Kodak’s focus off film where Polaroid would then excel and get huge market share.  Oh, what market?

This has to be what is terrifying Steve Ballmer, waking him in the night in a sweaty nightmare (I apologise unreservedly for the image that must have put in your mind).  Microsoft won’t be killed by Apple, or Google or Canonical.  It will implode like the Roman Empire and maybe reinvent itself like IBM did.  And if it fails it will do so because it lacks the Ballmers to ditch all the focus groups and just bring out strong, innovative cutting edge products which will deliver to business and appeal to consumers and fit within a defined strategy for their own business. 

Mr Ballmer, if you are reading this, that counts as consultancy and you owe me $1000.00 plus tax.  I take PayPal...

Retro Rides meet at the Festival Inn

Wednesday was the monthly Retro Rides meet over at the Festival Inn in Trowell. Weather was kind, company was good.  This is a low key meet which is about fun with old cars, nothing serious, no power parking, no mad polishing, no bling and no big price tags.  Yeah, that's a Mini Clubman up above - with a Vauxhall SOHC motor in it.  Not slow.

And thats an Opel Manta C with a Senator 24V lump in it.  Yes, I was amazed it fitted too.

Something like an event report is over on the Retro Rides forum.

Johnny and the Raindrops

If you have kids, and you yearn for something a little more musically accomplished than the friggin’ Tweenies or the dulcet duets of Big’n’Small then I can heartily recommend  you check out 4 piece retro-rockers Johnny and the Raindrops.   I made the acquaintance, musically speaking, of this outfit in the kid’s tent at the recent Riverside Festival in Nottingham.  My little lass is three and loved them, and it’s all very listenable for the adult ear as well.  It’s all entertain-and-educate stuff with songs about wildlife, the planets, and other child-friendly themes with a few jokes and such in there to appeal to the bigger kids (i.e. parents). 

Johnny and The Raindrops.  Pirate mode, Yarrrrr!

They have CDs, they tour and their live show kept our energetic tyke occupied and attentive for a full hour.  My personal favourite number was the five little punk rock fingers.  It’s all delightfully whimsical, childhood friendly, and features old school rock & roll with a big double bass.  And they wear nylon capes.  What more can you want out of life when you are three?  Or indeed thirty three...

Find out on their website

Camera, Scamera

This sign does not mean "Photogenic location ahead"

There have been two arguments put forward by those who have opposed speed cameras.  The first is that they don’t make any difference, any reduction in accidents or whatever is purely explained by regression to the mean, and that secondly they are just revenue generators.

Some particularly hyperbolic critics call them a stealth tax.  Well it’s the easiest tax in the world to avoid paying in that case.  I’ve been driving “a few” years and while I’ve paid for many a tax disc, copious amounts of fuel duty and let’s not forget the VAT on almost every commodity connected with motoring; I have never yet got caught speeding. This is either because I don’t ever speed or because I am observant enough to spot bright yellow boxes at the side of the road with a box brownie style sign informing you of the presence of the thing.  You decide.  The fluorescent markings and blue light rigs on police cars tend to make them stand out as well...

Caught speeding?  Should have gone to SpecSavers... 

But I digress...

I note with interest that in Oxfordshire they have stopped using speed cameras because they can no longer afford to subsidise them.  This kinda blows the argument that they make money...  You don’t subsidise something which is innately profitable.  Also Oxfordshire’s cameras have yet to be taken down and melted for scrap yet so they are still recording although there is now no prosecution taking place.  Speeding is up by 88% on some camera sites. This eats into the presumption that they make no difference to road user’s driving habits.

It will be interesting to look at the actual accident figures in Oxfordshire a year or two to see if there has been any increase in injury and fatality.  As the opponents of cameras point out, it’s not speed on its own that causes accidents but (what they don’t include in that statement) that many British road users are not competent driving at the speeds they do and end up hitting other road users or inanimate objects.

Anyway, usual political football game is going on with the issue, as you can get a taste of here.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for enjoying the drive.  I’m all for respecting the law and I’m all for safety and so on.  I’m also all in favour of the authorities raising the revenue they need to run the public services I use, especially when they raise that money off some other sucker.  Hense me never getting into the whole “scamera” froth and boil that so many others have.   Yeah, this is an area of some interest to me, especially when you consider the alternatives which usually results in speed humps (aka “sleeping policemen” aka “oh arse, that’s another exhaust that got ripped off”).  Now anyone who drives a lowered car, or one with rock-hard-race-car-wannabe suspension, or is stripped out with marginally padded bucket seats or maybe all of the above has to know humps are NOT the answer to anything except profit margin for Ashley, Peco, Powerflow and the like.   So I oppose anything which may see an increase in those evil melon farmers.

Now word is that in some other areas where speed cameras have been got rid of the accident toll has not risen.  So what does this tell us?  If cameras really do raise revenue then really, we need to find another way to “tax” people who can’t see bright yellow roadside boxes with warning signs.  Suggestions should be sent to HM Treasury.  

** in moderately unrelated news a Swedish driver has apparently got a £650,000 speeding fine.  Which has set records for both the fastest speed and largest fine eVaH.  Story here on Yahoo!